I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
