I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
