Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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