I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
