3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize