Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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