Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
