you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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