I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
