So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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