too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
