When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
