how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have post one night stand depression
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
