I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
