Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
