Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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