you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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