Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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