I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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