is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
