Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
