Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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