Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
