Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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