FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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