Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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