Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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