Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
