Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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