If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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