I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
May the power of my ass compel you!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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