You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
