I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
