How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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