How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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