Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
