my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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