party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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