i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
