So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
