the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
