who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize