proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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