But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
