So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
