I looked at my own cervix.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
