I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
