The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
