Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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