billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
