Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
