Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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