too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
