so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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