Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can i not drive my cunt home
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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