the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
