i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize