Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
