Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
