Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize