i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize