hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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