finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize