Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
