If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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