so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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