She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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