They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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