I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
