the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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