We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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