lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
why does every cop we meet know your name?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
