Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
